Stories from Hyrule and Crap
by Clear Free-Flowing Liquid
Summary: Officially the most obvious title. A few loosely related short stories based around OoT. Most are only one or two chapters, but all follow a timeline. Story one: The basic love story again. Story Two: War Approacheth. RR
1. Chapter 1

Stories from Hyrule and Crap

Note: Link never put the master sword back.

Chapter 1: Wait, you love me too?

"Link, I've never been happier than when we're together, I think we should be more than just friends," said Malon, surrounded in her glow of euphoria.

"I, I don't know what to say. Can I get back to you about that? I... I just think it would be kind of weird. But I think you're the most beautiful girl in the entire world, and… I don't know, I need to think about it," said Link, taken aback by this new development.

"Link, I would wait an eternity for you," said Malon.

"I think I should go now," Link said, "I need to give this some thought."

"Yes, that's probably best," said Malon.

"Well, bye, see you tomorrow," said Link.

"Bye, say yes," said Malon.

As Link walked off, he had a lot on his mind. After all, one of his best friends had just confessed her love for him. He really didn't know what he was going to do. He loved Malon, but most relationships didn't work out, and he wasn't sure if their friendship could survive a failed relationship. He was almost home, his Hyrule Town residence. It was a 2-bedroom house, even though there was one person living there. He needed some time alone. But he was drawing a blank. He needed to go out and do something. And there was essentially only one thing to help him: BINGE DRINKING!

He had almost reached the bar when he was reached by an old friend, Princess Zelda. "Hi, Link," she said.

"Oh, hey," said Link, nonchalantly.

"Something wrong?" asked Zelda.

"No," Link lied. That was a mistake. If he'd told Zelda what was going on then the upcoming never would've happened.

"Well, then, I've got something I've got to get off my chest," she said.

"What is it?" asked Link.

"I love you," she said.

"OH CRAP! OF ALL THE FREAKING THINGS YOU COULD'VE SAID, WHY THE FRIG DID YOU HAVE TO SAY THAT? WHY COULDN'T YOU BE AN AXE-MURDERER OR SOMETHING?" Link screamed. Or, at least he wanted to. All he really said was, "I don't know what to say." Again, a lie, as I just told you what he wanted to say.

"Say you love me too," said Zelda.

"I, I don't know. Can I get back to you?" he asked.

"What?" she replied.

"I, I just don't know if I'm ready for that, can I please just have some time to think it over?" he asked.

"Sure," she said uneasliy.

"Well, I guess I'll see you around," he said, leaving.

A liver or so later, Link walked out of the bar, sober as ever. Alcohol never affected him that way. He was just a little more relaxed. He decided to go swimming. He got to Lake Hylia, and, seeing that he was alone, took off all his clothes and started swimming. Just then, 6, 000 fangirls all fell out of trees all around him. Or not, but I expect they would. He swam a few times around the perimeter before he noticed that he _wasn't_ actually alone. The silver-blue figure of the Zora princess Ruto was swimming at the bottom of the lake. Link must not have noticed her because he was only looking on the surface. It didn't look like even now she had noticed him. How embarrassing would that be? Especially after all Link had done today. Ruto loved him, he could just sense it. And how could he not at least have _some _feelings for her? She was beautiful. But had to avoid her at all costs. He had to keep his options as few as possible. One more girl with feelings for him would be the end. Even someone as beautiful as Ruto. Granted, Malon and Zelda were gorgeous. And all of them were extremely nice. But that was Link's dilemma. But Ruto hadn't seen him yet. He tried to swim towards a rock to get some cover. That was his fatal error. The noise caught Ruto's attention. She swam up to the surface. "Umm… hi Link," she said, trying not to look.

"Hi Ruto," he said, his nakedness beginning to lead to an awkward situation. _Picture Rauru naked, eww, wrinkly_ he thought. That worked. Then he saw Ruto again and it all backfired. So he darted to shore and put his pants on, pretending to be embarrassed about being naked instead of about his huge chubby. Then he got back out into the water. He couldn't just run away, how would that look for the hero of time? "What's up?" he asked, digging his own grave deeper.

"I think we need to talk," she said. But it wasn't the _I'm breaking up with you_ I think we need to talk, it was the _I need to tell you something_.

"Umm… sure, what's up?" asked Link, dreading the inevitable.

"When I gave you the Zora's sapphire 7 years ago, I wasn't serious about the engagement, I just wanted to help you, but now I think we should really go for it," she said.

"I can't say I haven't thought about saying the same thing, but I'm not sure either of us is ready for it yet," he said.

"Well, I don't mean we should get married right away, but maybe we should get serious," she said, "I think I love you."

"I… I need some time to think about it," Link said. How many times had he used that line today? At least 3.

"How long do you need? This isn't exactly what I expected," Ruto said.

"I… I'll know be tomorrow," he said.

"Well, if you must wait, I guess it's better than never knowing. Come back then, if I survive the anticipation," she said.

"Okay," he said, leaving. When he reached his house again, he decided that even though it was only early evening, he was going to bed. Maybe that would help him out. As he walked in, he saw Navi reading in her tiny fairy bed beside him. Even though she wasn't his real fairy (he had no real fairy, he wasn't really a Kokkiri, remember?), she still tended to follow him around, just because they'd been through so much together. "I've had the absolute worst day ever," said the hero of time, "Malon, Zelda and Ruto all told me they loved me, and I told them all that I'd tell them if I was ready for that tomorrow."

"Ooh, smooth," said Navi with boatloads of sarcasm. But she was hiding something, something that would fill her to bursting soon, "Link, we've been through a lot together, and I hope you do whatever you feel is right, just know that you have another option."

_Wait… what? A fairy the size of a pea? I guess I could do worse. And besides, even though **it **wouldn't work out, some good could still come of it._ He thought. But all that came out his lips was, "I'll think about it." He was in trouble now. At least before, all the other girls weren't in on this. Now they stood a risk of finding out. And with that, he went to bed. Tonight he wouldn't sleep well…

Author's Notes: So, you likey? Review and I update. Even if you flame me, then I update out of spite. Either way, I love reviews.


	2. Link's Decision

Disclaimer: I do not own any characters in this, except Damian, who actually appears in another one of my stories.

Chapter 2: Link's Decision

_Lightning danced across the sky, striking the ground wherever it could. Link was running through the field, trying his hardest not to get hit. Bolts rained down around him, and he sensed his time may be coming soon. Just then, he looked up to see a flash coming towards him. It seemed to inch in slow motion, trickling ever slowly closer. He tried to run but found his legs had frozen. He was trapped. The bolt was touching his head. Then he woke up and screamed._

"Noooooo! Why did I have to wake up?" screamed Link, realizing what lay ahead. He looked over. Navi was gone. _Whew!_ Link thought _at least I can put that off for a while_. He got up and walked to his main room. He would've eaten something but his stomach was doing flips. Not just regular flips, no, these put Olympic divers to shame. He still hadn't reached a decision. Maybe he wouldn't have to right away, maybe he could just say yes to all of them, buy some time. These thoughts were soon wiped out of his head as Navi flew into the room. She looked strangely satisfied.

"Well, everyone is now in on your little problem," said Navi.

"What? How could you do that to me?" yelled Link going into panic mode.

"Relax. They all understood your position. But they all want to meet you outside the castle gates at noon so you can announce your decision in front of all of us and not try any tricks. We know we've put you on the spot, so we could see that you might be thinking of ducking out," said Navi, "but there's no escape for you."

"You're enjoying this, aren't you?" said Link, nearly throwing up just from opening his mouth.

"Are you kidding? We're all as nervous as you are. But we all made a pact not to do or say anything to influence your decision, and I will honour that agreement. Even though I can do things the others can't," said Navi.

"Nice try," said Link, but added, "don't worry. I haven't made a decision yet, so nothing's out of bounds."

"You don't know how true that is," said Navi suggestively.

"It's not working," said Link, causing a crushed look on Navi's face, "Right now, I just need time to think."

"Fine, I'll screw off," said Navi.

"Thanks," said Link. Then he realized that it was a mistake. Now he was alone and had nothing else to think about. It was 8:30 by the sundial out his window. He had three and a half hours to think. He weighed everything in his mind. Each girl was beautiful. They were all extremely nice people. All of them except Navi had large amounts of land. Link quickly removed that thought from his head. How superficial was that? He and Navi had been through so much together, but on the other hand, none of it was very romantic. He knew the other girls less, but his experiences with them had been much more romantic. But then again, they did all have faults. Sometimes Zelda seemed to live in a fairytale and at times Malon seemed to live in another world altogether. Ruto could get really clingy at times and Navi could be quite annoying. But all of these were just a candle against a sea of good qualities. This was going to take some more thought. He cold flip a coin (three times). No, love was not decided by games of chance. Who would it be? Who? Wh-zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Link woke up a while later and ran to the window. The sundial said it was 11:00. He had an hour to think about it! Worse yet, it took an hour to get through the city. He had to make his decision while he walked. Well, no use worrying about it, he just had to get going. He would think of something. As he left the building, he ran into another old friend, Nabooru. _Uh-oh, I can't let her see me!_ thought Link. He tried to duck behind a cart, but it was too late. Nabooru had seen him.

"Hey, Link! What's up?" she yelled. Link had no choice. He didn't want to seem rude. So he walked over.

"Link, I want you to meet my new fiancé, Damian," said Nabooru, motioning towards a man beside her. Link internally breathed a sigh of relief that would have shook the Earth to it's core had it been out loud. As in all stories with Damian, I'll let you make up what he looks like.

"Yo," said Damian, "You must be Link. I guess I owe you a big thank you for saving Nabooru last year. If you hadn't done that, I never would have met her."

"So, how's your life been?" asked Nabooru.

"Well, good and bad I guess you could say," responded Link.

"Why?" asked Nabooru.

"Well, Ruto, Malon, Navi and Zelda want me to choose between them," said Link.

"Really? Well, that must be awkward," said Nabooru.

"It is. I've been thinking of it all morning and throughout a large chunk of yesterday," said Link.

"Well, there's your problem. You're thinking with the wrong part of the brain. You're trying to analyse it too hard. How do you feel emotionally?" asked Damian.

"Well, I'm not sure," responded Link.

"It could take a while. I mean, none of these girls could possibly be perfect. There can only be one perfect person in the universe, and I'm standing next to her," said Damian.

"See? Isn't he great?" asked Nabooru rhetorically.

"I love you," gushed Damian.

"I love you too," said Nabooru.

"That's it!" exclaimed Link, "that's what I have to do!" He took off running to the edge of the city and didn't stop until he got there. He looked up at the sun, it wasn't quite noon. He sat there waiting, a huge weight lifted off his shoulders.

Soon enough, all four girls had gathered and it was time.

"Well," said Link, "this isn't easy for me, but I'd have to say-"

Author's notes: Cliff-hanger! As of now, no one knows who Link will pick,and, I'll be honest, I mean NO ONE. I will do my best to update as soon as possible, once I decide myself.


	3. Felis Navisnapped

Author's notes: Well, I've made my decision, and I will explain why at the end.

Chapter 3: Felis Navi's-snapped

"Link, before you say anything, I've met someone else," interrupted Malon.

"Really? Who?" asked Link.

"His name is Rick Waters," answered Malon.

"Well, that makes it easier. I love you all, but I think I just feel the best about saying this," Link began. End of chapter! Just kidding, "Ruto, I love you."

Zelda and Navi were stunned. Everyone paused for a moment before finally Ruto spoke, "Link, you've made me so happy."

"Would you have chosen me if I hadn't met Rick?" asked Malon.

"Actually, I would have run away and hoped I got struck by lightning on my way home," admitted Link.

"Well, I'm glad I saved your life," said Malon.

Suddenly Navi interrupted, "Ruto? You're not even the same species!"

"Actually, that's up for debate," said Ruto.

"Come on Navi, you're all great, but Ruto and I just click the best romantically," said Link.

"We're obviously just not meant to be," said Zelda, "we can still all be friends."

"No! This is complete bull crap! We belong together. Why do you think the great Deku Tree picked me to be Link's fairy?" ranted Navi.

"Because neither of us were fairies?" responded Malon.

"You shut your mouth! You wouldn't know love if it fell into your lap! I bet this Rick guy is really ugly!" screamed Navi.

"What is your problem? When I first met you in Jabu-Jabu's belly you seemed so nice," said Ruto.

"Oh, let's not forget that experience! 'Oh, help me Link! I'm the damsel in distress. Come save me!'," mocked Navi.

"Actually, I said I didn't want his help. Thanks for checking your facts first," snapped Ruto.

"Well, somewhere out there is someone for us," said Zelda.

"Ooh! Don't get all mystical on me now! Forgive me if I don't jump up and start checking the Tarot cards for my fate!" yelled Navi.

"Navi, you're starting to push it," said Link.

"What are you going to do? Kill me with your big huge manly sword?" said Navi sarcastically.

"Maybe," said Link, "I thought you, of all people, could be civil about this."

"Civil? You chose a fish over me!" screamed Navi.

"If I'm a fish, you're a dragonfly," responded Ruto, "we all know that's not true. Stop with the three-year-old insults."

"Shut Up! I am not a dragonfly," yelled Navi.

"I think that was kind of her point," stated Malon.

"Would you all stop teaming up on me?" cried Navi.

"You started this with each one of us individually, this is your fault," pointed out Link.

"Everyone just go away," screamed Navi flying away.

"Well, I'm glad that's over," said Link.

"Yeah, it's never easy watching someone lose their sanity," said Malon, "You all know what it was like last month with Ingo."

"I just can't help but feel that this is all my fault," confessed Ruto.

"No, she's just being bitter. I'm happy for you both," said Zelda.

"That's a relief," said Link, "at least I only burnt one bridge today."

"Don't talk that way, she did all the burning," said Malon, "and she burnt four."

"Yeah, I was going to invite her to the upcoming party at the castle, but she can forget about that," said Zelda.

"Same here," said Ruto.

"I might still try to patch things up," admitted Malon.

"That's a good idea. Hate is never a good thing to be putting out," said Link.

"Well, you guys can try that, but I'm not doing anything until I get an apology from her," said Zelda.

"That's understandable," said Malon, "What about you Ruto?"

"I'm not holding my breath for any apologies, you saw how mad she was at me," responded the Zoran princess and now lucky lady.

"Well, that's settled," said Link, "I have to go home and fix my balcony."

"I'll come with you," said Ruto enthusiastically.

"Me too!" said Malon.

"Actually, I was hoping only Ruto would say that," admitted Link.

"Oh," responded both girls knowingly in unison.

"Well then, let's get going," said Ruto.

**End of Saga**

As usual, author's notes: Well, you're all wondering, "Why Ruto?" Except EJ Amber (I love you!), Deb-lil and Hammermaster, but they only think they know. It wasn't just because I'm a Ruto fanboy, no, that didn't even enter into it. My decision was by process of elimination.

Navi: I just plain didn't want this to be LinkxNavi.

Zelda: First of all too overdone. Second, I'm already writing a Zelink.

Malon: Malon was my first real choice, but then I realized that Malon is perfect with anyone, Ruto is only perfect with Link. Or so is my opinion.

PS, sorry for the short chapter, but that's just where it seemed to end. Now, the happy couple has something to say, so take it away.

Ruto: Happy Valentine's Day everyone!

Link: We realize that by the time you read this, it will likely be after Valentine's Day, but as of this update being posted, it's still February 14th in the time zone Raven Effect Studios operates out of.

Ruto: So we hope you and that special someone had a happy one.

Thanks, Fawfulclone, Docta, RES CEO, The Intangible One, whatever you want to call me, I'm out! And yes, I will update soon.

PPS, Kudos to anyone who got the small joke about Rick Waters' name, but if you didn't, here it is: Rick Waters is an amalgamation (wow, spelled that correctly first time) of Pink Floyd (former) members Roger Waters and Rick Wright.


	4. Blood Still On The Ground

Author's Notes: I'm really sorry about the last chapter. The quality was certainly not top notch. I was trying to end the part of the story in a way that made everyone happy, and ended up sacrificing quality.

Disclaimer: I own nothing in this story except Dominic and Chips.

Story 2: All's Well That Ends Well, Too Bad it Never Ends.

Chapter 1 (or 4, depending on your point of view): Blood Still on the Ground

He lay there, in a pool of his own blood. He looked up in agony at his brother. His brother returned his stare with a tear in his eye. The swordsman had come and gone, leaving a trail of destruction in his wake. Twenty comrades lay dead around him, tales had come of many more.

"Dominic, you're the last survivor of our battalion," Uoror managed to get out, before the hole in his chest filled his lungs with blood, "Who knows how many of our other men have died? You have to rise up and get revenge for all of us. Make sure that we make the Hylians pay for what they did to us." Then, just like that, Uoror Blackblood, captain of the thirty-second Moblin division, gasped his last breath as his bisected kidney bled him to death.

"No! You can get over this," his brother pleaded, but it was too late, he was no longer yelling to a being that could hear, but a lifeless corpse moving only as the nerve endings twitched in his arms and legs. Dominic swore revenge under his breath, but he needed patience.

_One year later_

"Link! We're going to get caught," Ruto giggled.

"Shh. No one can see us," said Link.

"I just know some one will find us," said Ruto.

"They will if you keep yelling," said Link.

"I'm not yelling, my voice is just slightly-" Ruto began, but was interrupted as Link pressed his mouth to hers. She decided to go with the flow and kissed him back.

Link and Ruto were outside of the gates of Hyrule, it was barely evening. But to them, they were in their own private world. Ruto forgot all about her fear of discovery, and the two of them became one, entangled in each other, rolling into the river. This was where they loved most. Both could swim well, and weren't afraid to take advantage of it. Link was thankful that he was wearing his Zora Tunic (at least on top), they could both breathe. They just floated in mid-water, not quite hitting the bottom, but not on the surface either. They surfaced over an hour later, and it was dark.

"Where did you learn to do that thing?" asked Link with a huge smile on his face.

"I just sort of improvised," said Ruto, still out of breath.

"Yay improvising," said Link.

"I'm glad you liked it. What about that thing you did?" asked Ruto, "My head is still spinning."

"I had the idea about a week ago," said Link.

"Really? You have too much time on your hands," joked Ruto.

They both got out of the water and Link dried off. "So, your place or mine?" asked Link with mock cliché.

"I don't know, let's just wing it," said Ruto, "Let's get a drink."

"Sounds good. Where?" asked Link.

"I don't know, I just know I want a tequila sunrise," answered Ruto.

"How about that place near my apartment?" suggested Link.

"Fine by me," agreed Ruto.

"I guess that answers my earlier question," said Link.

"Only if we feel like ending the night there," replied Ruto.

"You know me, I can go all night," said Link.

"By the time this is over, we may just test that statement," said Ruto.

And with that half-dare, they started walking, the picture of love.



"So then, it's agreed. You will help our cause," said a moblin in the dark.

"Yes. I hate Hyrule for what they did to us," said another Moblin.

"That's great. I'll tell Dominic we have another," said the first moblin.

_And meanwhile with Dominic_

"Look, you've got to move on. We were in the wrong then, we got what we deserved. If he had just stayed at home and minded his own business, your brother would still be here. Like me," said Chips. Chips was a female moblin, one of about 10 that hadn't joined Gannondorf. Her odd name had come about because when she was born, her parents hadn't heard the doctor ask, "What is the name of the baby?" and her father, simply seeing a snack stand outside the hospital, muttered, "Chips."

"Every word of that sentence was a lie," Dominic said, his voice taking on a menacing tone, "Even 'Like me.'" He pulled out an axe from his side.

"Hey. Don't forget, I know how to fight too," said Chips.

"Somehow, that doesn't strike fear into my heart," said Dominic, taking a swing.

"You always were the violent one," said Chips, drawing a sword.

"You coward," sneered Dominic.

"Pacifist! Why does every warmongering psychopath have to call pacifists cowards? I'm not afraid of you, I'm just not into killing (A/N: That's right Bush, she's talking to you!)," yelled Chips, her rage so high that she managed to score a hit with the flat of her blade.

"Only a coward wouldn't be willing to fight for the common good," ranted Dominic, scoring a hit. The blood dripped to the floor.

"Who are you to decide what the common good is?" asked Chips, shaking off the blow and connecting to the lower torso. No blood, but Dominic doubled over in pain. Chips gingerly stepped back and prepared for the onslaught.

"Well, now you've done it, I'm all angry," growled Dominic. His eyes filled with rage as he charged forward, swinging madly as Chips swung lithely out of the way. Considering she was a moblin, Chips was almost superhumanly light on her feet. She swung at his leg, hoping to take him down, but the blade just bounced off. Dominic turned around, bringing his axe along for the ride. The end connected sickeningly with Chips' chest, knocking her down as a sickening gash opened up and her blood came out in a dark shade of red, no longer splattering, it just poured. "Typical, you lack experience and so you fall to me. One more reason why I have been right all along," Dominic taunted, taking his time to walk, no, strut over to his fallen victim and raise his axe ready to cleanly remove her head. Chips took a deep breath, which hurt with a chest full of smashed ribs, and reached into her pocket. "Goodbye," Dominic sang, but Chips threw down a Deku nut and managed to crawl to her feet before Dominic regained mobility. She threw another in his face and ran as fast as she could, feeling the blood pour quickly from her chest faster with her increased heart rate. She removed her shirt (sorry for putting the image of a topless female moblin in your heads, just ignore it) and used it as a makeshift tourniquet. This would hold out for a while, but she needed to get to town, and quickly.



"Well, I'm drunk," blurted Ruto leaving the bar. Link was beside her, as usual, completely sober. You may think this was a gift, but it meant Link was aware enough to know that he had a hangover coming the next day.

"No, that girl on the table was drunk," Link reassured her, "And fun. You're just tipsy. And… fun."

"Let's do something else," exclaimed Ruto.

"You must have read my mind," said Link.

"What is there to do at midnight?" asked Ruto.

"Let's go for a walk," said Link.

"Where could we possibly go? The castle gates are closed for the night," observed Ruto.

"As the hero of time, they gave me a key to the gate controls," said Link.

"Can't go wrong with that," said Ruto, "Let's go."

They walked all the way to the gate when they heard a voice, a low moan coming from the other side of the bridge.

"Somebody on the other side, I need in. I'm not kidding, I can't hold out much longer," said the voice. It was deep, but still distinctly a woman's voice. It was wavering.

"Hold on just a second!" panicked Link. He rushed to the control room and inserted the key. With a satisfying jump, the lock detached itself and Link began turning the crank. It was a big, long wooden pole. Ruto got on the other end and started pushing down. After about two seconds, they realized they were pushing in opposite directions, and Ruto pushed up. Before long, they heard the sound of the bridge hitting the ground and ran out to see who it was. "Sorry, I'm not usually here, I just happened to wander by with a key," Link remarked on his way out of the room, then looked down to see who it was. He saw a fairly large figure lying on the ground. It was dark, but Link could see the blood in a pool around their body, so deep that even the moat was stained a cherry red. He could see that the barely conscious figure was a moblin, and force of habit caused him to begin to draw his sword. He got his hand on the hilt but then decided that the "shoot first, ask questions later" mantra wasn't his, and decided to take the friendlier root. He walked up to the fallen figure. He tried to see if it was breathing, but it was dark, and he had to crouch down. It was hard to tell with moblin, but he could see some definite feminine qualities about this moblin. _That matches the voice_ Link thought to himself. He could see the near Jane Doe's chest moving in and out. It was bare, so Link took off his tunic and covered her in it. _That's better_ Link thought. He could clearly notice a more reddish shade seeping through the blue of the tunic. _My eyes will never forgive me for this_ Link thought, and peered beneath her shirt. He kept his eyes concentrated on searching for the source of the wound and finally found it. There was a deep-looking gash squarely above both breasts. He looked up to get his red potion from his pouch when he noticed she had awoken, and was looking at him. Her look was not of shock, but was that look people get when they know they can screw with someone's mind to the point of insanity. Don't judge her for it, and don't pretend you've never done the same.

"So, you're into that kind of thing?" she said, trying to hold back a laugh at the look of disgust on Link's face.

"No! Eww… that's, I was just, your chest, **not your chest! The cut on it! The cut!**" Link defended. It was too much. Chips burst out laughing.

"Sorry, I couldn't help it. You didn't kill me. I admire your integrity," she said.

"Not every moblin I've ever come across has tried to put a pike in my heart. I've learned a thing or two from my adventures, long ago as they may be," said Link, doing his best to sound cool despite the overwhelming embarrassment he felt from the events of ten seconds ago.

"I guess that's the reason I never bought any of the anti-you propaganda that's been shoved down my throat for the past eight years," Chips said.

Just then, Ruto decided she couldn't take the suspense any more, and ran over to see what was going on.

"How is everything over here? Everything— Are you okay?" she gasped as her eyes were drawn instantly to the laceration on Chips' torso.

"For about another ten seconds," said Chips. She had become lost in conversation, as can frequently happen to a person. But now she remembered why she was here, and her entire upper midsection burned.

"Here, drink this. It's over a year old, but it still has healing powers," said Link, handing Chips the potion. She took a sip, and flinched.

"This is undisputedly the single most disgusting thing I've ever tasted," she said.

"Yes, but it works," said Link. Chips closed her eyes and quickly downed the rest of the potion. She wished the taste would leave her mouth, but she could feel the burning subside in her chest. She glanced down and saw that the cut was sealing itself up. She could feel the vigour rushing back into her body as the blood magically replenished it's supply. She staggered to her feet without feeling dizzy for the first time since the axe came across her chest.

"Thanks. You saved my life. Anything I can do for you? Not _that _of course," she joked. Ruto flashed a look of confusion, but Chips winked at her and she understood that it was all a joke.

"Well, you could tell us what happened to you," responded Link.

"Sure, but first I have to find a hotel, or a motel, or an inn," said Chips.

"There's one in the middle of the city. We'll take you there," answered Ruto.

They got to the inn at around one o'clock in the morning. Chips got a room and they walked to it together. Chips popped her key into the door and opened it up. The door swung open and she glanced at the place she would be spending the night. It was fairly nice, spacious, clean, everything you wouldn't expect from an inn in those times. The bed was squarely in the middle of the room, so that there was space on all sides. It was awkward, but it created an effect. She sat down on it as Ruto and Link sat on the chairs in the room.

"Okay, so, how did you get hurt?" asked Link.

"Well, okay. It's no secret that you've killed a lot of moblin, correct?" asked Chips.

"What do I have to do with any of this?" asked Link.

"Well, it's a startling coincidence that I bumped into you outside the gate for just that reason," continued Chips, "I was in that injured state for refusing to join the army poised to kill you."

"Well, you can't stop there, you've got my attention," Link said with facetious lack of interest.

"Okay, do you remember killing one Uoror Blackblood?" asked Chips.

"Do you remember what you had for lunch a year ago?" asked Link, "You just said that I've killed a lot of moblins, how am I supposed to remember one?"

"Well, he was a battalion leader," said Chips.

"You're really going to have to narrow it down a little," requested Link.

"You remember, you killed his entire group except for his brother Dominic," continued Chips.

"No, sorry, that's not bringing anything back," said Link.

"Well, either way, his brother swore revenge, and he's regrouping the surviving moblin forces to come and capture Hyrule. Oh, that and kill you," Chips answered.

"Well, that's not good. How strong are his forces?" asked Link.

"About twenty thousand strong," answered Chips, "and as armed and prepared as you guys."

"That's not good, we've only got about five thousand," commented Link.

"No! I won't let anything happen to you!" exclaimed Ruto, "I'll get the entire Zoran coalition behind you! We've got two thousand Zoras. Add on the two hundred or so Octoroks who joined us and we don't look too shabby."

"Have the enemies got shields?" asked Link.

"No, but they do have armour," said Chips.

"That's good. How many of them can swim?" pursued Link.

"Maybe five," answered Chips.

"Well, that puts us at a distinct advantage if they can't even attack the Octoroks. Unless they have arrows," said Ruto.

"They do," said Chips, "can your Octoroks fire from underwater?"

"No," replied Ruto.

"Well, could they still swim with armour on?" asked Chips.

"Not well," said Ruto.

"We don't need them to manoeuvre, just not get hit by any powerful projectiles. Can they at least duck when faced with strong fire?" asked Link.

"Likely," said Ruto.

"Well, they can probably do the work of about three soldiers each then, being virtually immune to arrows and safe from enemies on land," said Link.

"Yes, but even if you count that as that, you're still outnumbered two point six to one," said Ruto.

"Rounding down," added Chips.

"How did you do that math so quickly?" asked Link.

"I have no idea," said Ruto.

"I can probably get about a thousand Gorons, each of them can probably do the work of five regular soldiers, human or moblin," said Link.

"We still only have barely over half of their power," commented Chips.

"But if they attack us, we have our fortress. You said they can't swim, how will they be able to cross the moat?" pointed out Link.

"That moat is barely waist deep to a moblin," said Ruto.

"Even so, we've got the wall to protect us. This wall has never been brought down, and it provides us with arrow slits and cauldrons of hot oil to pour on them. They won't have an easy time getting in," stated Link.

"Either way, we have to warn the castle," said Ruto.

"We should leave now," suggested Chips.

"Neither one of us has slept at all tonight," said Link.

"What happened to Mr. 'I can go all night'?" asked Ruto.

"I was just… worried about your health," said Link defensively.

"Well aren't you the chivalrous one," said Chips mockingly.

"Okay, fine, I'm tired. But as much as my body will curse me for saying this, you guys are right, we have to go now," confessed Link.

"Well then, no time like the present," said Chips rising.

"Let's roll," said Ruto.

They left the inn much to the shock of everyone in it, who couldn't understand how anyone could want to get _out_ at that hour. They walked onward to the castle, getting stares from the villagers, who found the sight of Link walking with a moblin bizarre. Who were they to criticize, they were out at 2:00 in the morning! By around 2:30 they had reached the castle gates, where they found a guard sleeping. Cliché? No, it was 2:30 in the frickin' morning, you'd be asleep too.

"Hey! Wake up!" Link yelled at the guard.

"I'm not sleeping, I'm meditating. I'm in my inner sanctuary with my feminine side," said the guard.

"Really? What's yours like?" asked Ruto, "Mine is a small pond with all these animals." (A/N: Actually, that's mine)

"You guys are into meditation? Cool. I can barely sit in lotus," said Chips.

"Okay, so we've all looked inside of ourselves, that's great. But for now, we really need in here," said Link.

"Well, I can let you and Ruto in, but federal law strictly prohibits moblins from entering," said the guard.

"I've read every legal document in Hyrule, and there is no such law. There are, however, several saying that if there were, I, as the Hero of Time, could either make exception or overrule the law entirely," said Link with the smug satisfaction you get when someone starts talking about something they think you have no idea about, and then you run circles around them. You've been there, admit it.

"Sorry, I'm pretty sure there's a law saying I'm right," said the guard.

"I know you've got a royal law book in that tower, pull it out right now and show me," said Link.

"Fine, I will," said the guard, walking to the tower. He knew Link had called his bluff, but he wasn't out of ideas yet. Good ideas, maybe, but not ideas, "See? It's right here." The guard pointed to a page that had a law scribbled in what appeared to be crayon: "No Moblyn in Cassle."

"First of all, you spelled castle wrong. And Moblin. Secondly," Link grabbed the page and scratched the fake law off, "I don't see a law, do you?"

"Fine, I was bluffing," said the guard.

"Why would you do that?" asked Chips, hurt.

"Because there should be a law prohibiting you people from the castle. Name one good thing any of your people has ever done," said the guard.

"Give me about two minutes and you'll see one firsthand," said Chips, "Oh, and we invented that suit of armour you're wearing."

"Okay, one thing," said the guard.

"Before Ganondorf came along, we were your allies in every war except the second battle of Ape's Shoulder, where you attacked the Zoras for no apparent reason. Incidentally, our sticking up for them is another good thing," said Chips.

"I didn't know that, sorry," said the guard.

"That's okay. Now you know. And your mind is no longer in danger of imploding from being too narrow," said Chips.

"Well, you'd better get going," said the guard, opening the gate and letting Link et al in. They walked up to the drawbridge and stopped cold. It was up. They couldn't get through. Fortunately, Link had a key for the back door (there was a back door, remember?) so they got in that way. The question that was posed to them now was this: How to get to Zelda. She wouldn't be in the throne room and it would seem slightly awkward to walk into her room while she was sleeping. They thought it was best to ask a guard to wake her, they probably knew how to be professional about it. It wasn't difficult, there were guards all around. They ignored Link. He had free run of the castle any time, as did Ruto, being considered a foreign diplomat. Chips, well, she was with the other two. They walked up to a guard, picked at random, and asked him to wake the princess and tell her that they were here with important news.

"Certainly, sir and ma'am and… ma'am?" said the guard.

"Yes, I'm a ma'am," answered Chips.

"Right away then, sir and ma'ams," said the guard, departing.

"Is ma'ams even a word?" asked Ruto.

"I don't think so," answered Chips.

"Excuse me, princess?" said the guard, walking into Zelda's room. The princess slept on. "Princess? You have visitors, they say it's important," he continued to no avail. Finally, he gently shook the princess.

"Huh? What? There's someone in my room! You picked the wrong royal to mess with," said Zelda springing up.

"Your majesty, it's just me. Robert. The guard," said the guard, who's name was, you guessed it, Robert.

"Oh, Rob. What in the world could you want at this hour?" Zelda asked out of one bloodshot eye.

"You have visitors. Link, Ruto and a moblin. They said it was important," said the guard.

"It had better be," said Zelda, putting on one of her many near-identical dresses. She decided to go with a blue one. "Wait… did you say a moblin?"

"Yes, I did," answered Robert.

"Well, I trust Link," said Zelda, "I doubt he would try to have me killed."

"She seemed trustworthy to me," said the guard.

"Well, I hope you're right," said Zelda, leaving. She met up with the others, they weren't hard to find.

"Zelda, hi," Link said, "this is Chips."

"Chips?" asked Zelda, "That's a very interesting name."

"There's a long story behind it, but I don't want to waste your time," said Chips.

"Speaking of wasting my time, hoping you're not. Why are you here?" asked Zelda.

"Well… I don't know how to say this," said Link.

"War is being declared on Hyrule," said Chips, bluntly.

"By who?" asked Zelda.

"The moblins. Well, some of us. Not me," said Chips.

"Are you serious?" asked Zelda, panicking.

"Completely," said Ruto.

"We have to wake my father!" said Zelda.

"No we don't," said Ruto, "All the best minds in Hyrule need to be working on this. We should talk to them in the morning. For now, we should establish who those minds are, and how to reach them. We shouldn't start any of the planning until the morning."

They all agreed on this, and then got down to it. By morning, they would be ready to be ready.

End auf der Chapter

Author's notes: I'm back baby. This took a lot longer than planned to complete, but it just didn't seem to end itself, know what I mean? It's done now, and I should be writing a lot more now, now that I'm done my exams and I've rediscovered my inspiration (it was Ziggy Stardust. Who would have thought?). I'm taking a break now, but for once I'm talking in a matter of hours, not weeks. I love life.


End file.
